If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
how drunk are you?
Several
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
