I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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