He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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