finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
