Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize