you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
