I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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