I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
