you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
