drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize