Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
