Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
