Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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