In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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