My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize