He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
