Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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