She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize