party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
