So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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