I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
