Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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