Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You can't motorboat a personality
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
