i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
