And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
