So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize