quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
