I bet he comes in French.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
