After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
