I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Pooping to opera.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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