Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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