Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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