dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize