Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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