Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
