Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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