Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
