K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
