he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
