I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
