the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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