I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
