we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
