Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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