I faked an abortion last night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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