I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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