i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
