i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
