but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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