I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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