Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
