You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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