you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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