It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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