I CAN MOONWALK!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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