So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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