I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
