I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
