My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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