Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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