I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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