she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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