I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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