he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My penis needs a shock collar
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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