Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
