I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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