I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
