I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
