i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize