Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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