I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
