just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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