I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
