don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
