Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
