We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
