She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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