i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
where am i from again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
