Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
